Reaffirmation – I am Motivated

It is Tuesday October 19th, 3 in the morning. I lay here
with cotton mouth, a stuffy nose and the overall onset of some sort
of annoying sickness. In the past year, I have had the flu once and
a cold four or five times now. Prior to this past year, I maybe got
sick once a year. I lay here now, 28 years old overweight and on
the verge of a panic attack. My panic attack stems from, my
overweight self and the lack of sleep I continue to have. I need to
do something and need to do something now. As you may have read in
some of my previous post, motivation is a pivotal area for me and
the lifestyle I want to lead. I have preached the lifestyle of
staying in shape and building the better you and am now finding
myself back in the same rut as many find themselves in. My
motivation fell apart a year ago when my little girl was born. My
lack of willpower is laughable and borderline embarrassing.
Therefore, I need to make a change and need to start now.
Aside from being sick, I finally feel myself beginning to dwindle
in energy, focus, and every other symptom that comes along with
being a fat guy. I have never gotten to that point. I have never
felt the way I do right now. It scares the hell out me to be
honest. The situation I have led myself into is beginning to
terrorize the life I want to lead and I am afraid if I don’t begin
digging myself out of this whole I am right now, I am going to die
by the time I turn 30. Here is the issue, motivation. It is
easy to say “I will do it for the I love people around me” but I
think I have to go at this selfishly first. Eventually it they are
big part of it but everyone has a little narcissist in
them and for now this has to be the way to extract that. It is
about staying around and being able to do the things I want to do,
which includes, not just being there for my kids and wife but being
actively there for my kids and wife. I definitely do not want to be
that dad who is unable to run around and play with his kids because
he gets winded and sore. I don’t want to be that husband who
rejects his wife because of his own shortfalls either. Those
statements may come off judgmental but in all reality
it’s true. How do I maintain that eagerness? How do I maintain that
motivation after a week, month, year, a decade from now. I realize
the motives may alter, with that said, it scares me. I went for a
year or so of living the “lifestyle” and just like that, I lost it.
I was a college athlete at one point. There was a time when I was
excited to wake up in the morning and workout. Now I am proud when
I eat one meal that is decently healthy and reward myself with crap
soon after. I have a stellar imagination when it comes to
visualizing me doing it or seeing me five years down the road
in great shape and living the lifestyle, now I need the
whole action portion. Ironically, I have given much advice to
others over the years, my friend Andrew and I would talk and study
nothing but health and fitness. We helped each other get into
incredible shape, in turn many people would come to us for advice.
I feel like I am well versed in the art of working out and even
diet. More importantly, I have phenomenal
resources at my fingertips, like Andrew, who is much
more knowledgeable than the average Joe in both
aspects and is willing to help at the drop of a dime. My uncle and
aunt were bodybuilders and on and on…. Maybe I need a bet,
barter, I need someone to say “you can’t do it”, I need something,
someone to help me hold myself accountable. Any ideas?

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